|seconds|

o u t o f t i m e

Tue, 12 Apr 2011 12:09:44 -0600

seconds, this blog, has run it’s course. I started it the day i moved in this shithole, and it’s followed an important part of my life, but a part that feels securely behind me. I won’t delete it but I won’t update it any further either.

it’s only right to begin anew and close this little time capsule. the new is coming as soon as I can get it up. sit tight.

w r e t c h ( e d )

Mon, 28 Mar 2011 00:37:38 -0600

you fill your fat belly with intricate beauties. you swallow the organized chaos of light, color, shadow. eating it down & down & down till organs threaten with rupture. then you try to nibble at cold reality, at fiscal propriety, at getting on in the adult world, and you wretch. and you wretch. and you wretch. till you choke on lung and throat and half-digested strings of light. till your face contorts and your eye-whites bleed, and you’re heart, your screaming-open-heart, threatens with rupture.

the world looks on disinterested at this pointless flailing.

"Its so odd when youre nice."

Thu, 24 Mar 2011 20:26:52 -0600

“Its so odd when youre nice.”

- incoming text

p i n n e d

Tue, 22 Mar 2011 08:45:26 -0600

your eyes pin me to the seafloor of love. the ocean’s bed breaks-free anything hard or not giving. a quiet tidal pull rubs soft the jagged edges and whatever in me can’t find motion comes free-floating to the surface for ships passing to pick from and wonder after.

Photo

Wed, 16 Mar 2011 01:23:29 -0600

"my vagina will not explain itself."

Tue, 15 Mar 2011 19:54:12 -0600

“my vagina will not explain itself.”

- incoming text message

united steel workers of Montreal

Sun, 13 Mar 2011 00:14:19 -0700

[Flash 10 is required to watch video.]

united steel workers of Montreal

Photo

Sun, 13 Mar 2011 00:06:53 -0700

the brilliant sheen (goose neck)

Mon, 07 Mar 2011 10:56:57 -0700

the brilliant sheen (goose neck)

r w i r g o h n t g

Mon, 07 Mar 2011 10:55:18 -0700

sometimes you forget being right doesn’t matter. being logical doesn’t matter. you forget life is alive and plays in real time with a scope so large there is no right. you forget everything in measures. the sweet and the sour. being right and wrong. logic and whimsy. rigidity and flow. sometimes you forget knowing isn’t doing and thinking isn’t living. you forget you can be right in a wrong situation and get quickly negated by reality. you forget right is actually whatever keeps you fluid, keeps you moving, keeps you coupled to the motions of life; even when it’s wrong.

words

Sat, 05 Mar 2011 10:35:06 -0700

not_ruzz: <3 you are the most beautiful person I know
ruzz: I don't know how to respond without calling you crazy :/

who was the girl i snapped test shots of by that flower wrapped fountain on memorial drive. it was...

Thu, 03 Mar 2011 09:40:04 -0700

who was the girl i snapped test shots of by that flower wrapped fountain on memorial drive. it was in a gated yard against a stone and brick building. the day was hot and sticky, and we were hot and sticky from walking. why do i remember the curl of flowers but not the curl of her lip. why the peak of the fountain, grey-brown and sharp sided, but not the peak of my passions for her. am i going to lose everything? even the things once photographed—now buried in a sea of photographs.

I give.

Wed, 02 Mar 2011 13:18:30 -0700

I give.

g r a s p

Tue, 01 Mar 2011 09:36:06 -0700

we reach for stars. burn out our hearts. bone and ash and the rolling black fire of night will see us through. we steady our palsied hands with lies and dig deeper into the hot-wet wound of our-self(ves). march will find either our bottom or our end. april will hold either our after-birth or greying quieted limbs. may will hold all, or nothing.

when your own body becomes enemy you have no friends.

Tue, 22 Feb 2011 12:43:51 -0700

when your own body becomes enemy you have no friends.

f e b r u a r y

Mon, 21 Feb 2011 16:51:40 -0700

we fucking destroyed january. we put it in our mouths and chewed it down. gristle and stone and all. we destroyed it. nothing it threw held sway. it died a day at a time; now february need follow. we know it’s february because our heart is a broken shoreline. because our blood rolls just below a constant boil and our bodies cry out for the coming melt. we know we cannot give up. not this time. we see and recognize the patterns of our destruction, cup them by trembling-hand and hope to swallow them down.

just don’t choke.

l o v e r s

Mon, 21 Feb 2011 13:33:35 -0700

browsing tumblr and stumbling across past lovers transformed into masturbatory material for other men puts me off. porn reveals itself for what it is for a second. abstracting the experiences of real humans and making them fit for anyone who wants to inject themselves into the scene. they don’t have to deal with the complexities of love, or the drama following drunk hookups, or the loss of friends or the slow burn of want that comes from watching someone from afar you can’t have but would like to. Might get your dick hard but it aint doing anything for your life. just pictures of girls to you, memories that follow me with all the real complexity of life. doesn’t seem a fair trade.

i n ( v a l i d )

Mon, 21 Feb 2011 11:55:14 -0700

you wake rough-raw. the first hit misses it’s mark. double down. there’s enough pain to go around. maybe if you drown the body-pain, steep it, with an aching heart, or longing mind. maybe if you soak in the stink of nostalgia you can use the weight of it to break the connection. read yourself. remember finding god. the scrambling neurosis of recovery. that black heart with perfect hips. the second time you found yourself naked and next to a sweet plum. remember the knotted shoulders and late nights worrying over money, and expectations. remember the episodic hopes. the tidal flow of failure. maybe if you roll hard into the past you can leave this broken body a couple quiet seconds.

"MONDAY, FEBRUARY 06, 2006- thank you for helping me find god tonight.i would never have thought to..."

Sun, 20 Feb 2011 12:45:29 -0700

“MONDAY, FEBRUARY 06, 2006- thank you for helping me find god tonight.i would never have thought to look between your thighs.”

- from one of my old hidden blogs.

the world is beautiful.

Sun, 20 Feb 2011 12:05:08 -0700

the world is beautiful.