September 2009
41 posts
swallowed by the deep cold of late september night i relax into unknowing.
dear hax0rs who broke into my box. fuck you.
l o c u s
in our deep hearts we hold to some unholdable promise. cling to roughshod & weathered lies about ourselves, others & life. grasp tiny frightened fingers to anything but the terror of what sits before us now, & waits come the quiet heart. keep your feet moving. your mind full. keep the distractions coming as fast as you can see through them. without the skills or means to craft a more...
to see others like oneself is to believe in oneself.
And she feeds you tea and oranges That come all the way from China And just when you mean to tell her That you have no love to give her Then she gets you on her wavelength And she lets the river answer That you’ve always been her lover
“suzanne” - L. Cohen.
i’m buried in a swath of heating bags. the living is worth the pain.
i’m waiting to know you’re delivered home safe. i’m listening to famous blue raincoat, writing letters and wishing sunday nights could last forever.
“and I wanted the experience of being a river. and a molecule. a thought. the...”
– m. singer.
“so I don’t know what to do and I’m callous and I’m cruel, to...”
– our window - noah and the whale
s i r e n
i made sweet love to words all night. never bothered having them mean anything. it was about cadence and combination. an exercise in linguistic crowd control. hypnotize you with the outlandish while i hold a flashlight up to your weaker parts. i roll you over and inspect you with my mouth. i find nothing distasteful but for how easily you follow the breaths and beats between. Sometimes i’m...
i’m tired of feeling bad for feeling. being sensitive is not the same thing as being needy.
p e r f e c t s t o r m
you’ll never feel so perverse as when you see the profound, while everyone around and about you sees nothing. maybe you’ll get a taste of giving up control and run with it. who can say what might move inside you then. maybe you should bottle up that terror, son. the coming leaves and cool night winds are not harbinger’s to death. you won’t sit fat with rotting insides just...
s k e i n / s k i n
tiny muscles fill with fresh born aches. ligament, tendon & atrophied muscle scream to life in protest against honest efforts to break this body against another. another fall covers all we do in a yellow-red skein like old film or afterbirth. popular leaves begin their leaving, heavy, as rains spill, driving flies to screens where they make patterns of black against sky & wait patient for...
o u t l i n e
i lay naked at your side and whisper “I’m the contrast-dye women inject into their hearts to make an outline of the men they want to be with” then listen to your breathing and imagine what shape might be coming to your heart.
as the pull releases it’s awful hold a torrent of ineffable, unbounded, unpredictable feelings, desires, and energy are going to explode from the vacuum. hold on to something, it might get rough
“it is fateful and ironic how the lie we need in order to live dooms us to a life...”
– pg 56 - The Denial of Death, Becker.
when you are crawling the rougher edges of your bones with need and hope for words that cannot be mis-taken or misheard you’re likely putting words where touch or silence or grace belong.
a p r i l 2 0 0 8
he hung himself. he’s gone now. ended it alone, violent. without air and more time than anyone needs. i can’t get his fucking eyes out of my mind. I can’t stop thinking about whatever wrapped around his throat and took his life from him. i can’t help feeling we all failed somehow.
a sensible heart.
quiet now. thats enough.
let go.
“Ugh, never!” the Jennifer’s Body star, 23, tells MTV News....”
– megan fox. because what you look like during sex is clearly more important than how you feel. is it any wonder why so many young girls grow into vapid women?
why bother trying to communicate the things that have no words. it only makes it that much worse. you end up with whatever started the feeling, then add feeling misunderstood to it.
i stand dead center on the shores of forever. perfect & frightening. full & without the loss that has forever been with me, with us. I will remember to feel. & let the hopelessness wash away, until there is nothing left for me to say, or explain, or want for, or need, or hate, or fear.
wanna go to the sea and share another’s company by the sea.
getting tired of humans again. fall must almost be here.
theres no salve for the weak, & no love for the broken. not here at least.
another falls. the floor is red as a slaughterhouse but no one is eating.