August 2009
19 posts
trying to make my first long portrait (video portrait). man, video is a bitch. need all new tools. more drive space. patience. converters. patience. i hope this is worth it.
July 2009
26 posts
new flickr account, now without all the censorship →
you are the creature you were always meant to have been.
d y i n g
sometimes i get myself bundled into knots about this thing or that thing that i want, or don’t want, or think i need, or am afriad i might get stuck with. sometimes i pull those threads unfathomably tight till they become broken bead red. in between the terrorist cat-calls of my weaker self i know that whatever i fail at, whatever comes apart, spills over, dies in time will pass but there...
sometimes you gotta be wrong to be right. sometimes it aint easy to be wrong.
i want to see more in people than thier weakness or carefully structured words.
things are going to get a lot darker here in the next bit.
“and thats what i need. i need a woman who wants me. who can appreciate how full...”
– from an email.. interesting stuff.
i see people’s photos of their lives. people i know, grew up with. they seem like riddles to me. like actors playing parts. i can’t understand how they grew into the people they are now.
“But then I woke up sober, and full of dreams of […], and I realized that...”
– tasha in an email to me. Couldn’t have put it better myself.
really. no sleep. cancelled shoot. out of ibu. out of pain killers. out of energy. really. this much pain two nearly two years in.
drunken-home, alone. pizza. photo booth photos. laughing. shiatsu. shitty lies texted at me all night long. jessica rabbit. 9 ball. smokes. salsa dancers. whores. expensive cab rides. fanning out my phonebook and hitting need on the keypad. anything to combat all that hate and vitriol. stella. stinky eye. dougs double chin video he won’t share. laughing. walking. perfect summer nights....
narrow
you fold yourself into the most intricate device and stay as long as skeletal muscle provides. the table turns and the majesty of your delicate packaging is shown in equal parts there, there and all. you climb out unsated. light dims. everything is quiet without gasps or the cries of children. light sways here and away, above, suspended on cobweb or tendons. don’t look too close. your eye...
what can i say that is simpler than now is all there is, that you’re free to be any person and your all that you give.
noah and the whale, do what you do
“You are like an effin porcupine….do you realize that? How is anyone...”
– in an email to me today. comforting.
I like being around your naked body without having to be burdened by being tangled up with you sexually. is that the same thing?
“There will be a heart in my freezer until next weekend. Just for you.”
– from an email to me today. oh the life of a photographer.
it’s in our nature.
clean(se)
ruzz: i will pay you if you clean my house.
naked.
her: how much?
ruzz: i'd have to think about if i could live with it if i did it :P
her: Well its not like your buying me. I'm should you'd be taking pictures the whole time. But I get panties and apron and a cross.
ruzz: panties takes all the fun out of it for me.
wtf! a cross? you think im a vampire or something and you need to ward me off?
“lo and behold things are killing me..”
– day old blues, kings of leon.
“if people are letting you down its usually your own fault for not making the...”
– comment by me on facebook.
gotta get a tourniquet on it. somehow.
