you suppose if we unclenched our gritted teeth, and unballed our fingers.. we’d just float off?

8 March 10 12:28:26 am

you wanna find your fingers on skin, or know why you can’t. you wanna say things with your body. or at least be given audience. you want to feel there is no loss, not just know it. you want to give freely, take freely. not hang on. not believe your own bullshit. you want to build a better life through dirt and hair, bone and blood. you want to evolve past burning. you want to take everyone with you when you do. you want to reach out, and think the heat under your fingers is reason enough. you want someone to understand it should be enough.

When trying to make something beautiful you have to be willing to work through uncertainty.. And willing to “waste” your efforts on what might be nothing but a learning experience. You have to let go of control.

i’ve been rolling over. playing on my belly. again. letting everyone and everything run over me because i couldn’t get up to the fight. felt beat down. felt sorry for myself. felt a bit cursed even. i’ve been here before and i know how to get back. you close up the parts that can’t fight, curl your fingers and start throwing.

and don’t stop. don’t ever stop.

29 January 10 2:18:11 pm

i’ve started, in earnest, another blog. yes, another. the goal of this new blog is to give a place to speak in my normal, non-arts focused voice. a place to run things up the pole and see what shakes out, to reblog interesting stuff, to just dump all that extra brain sludge that comes from being kicked off facebook and having no one to really discuss things with anymore. so with that in mind.. i give you The Daily Ruzz.

sometimes i don’t know what i’m doing. or why i’m doing it. sometimes i’m surprised by the outcome. sometimes i’m wrecked.

there is no loss, only change.